Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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