dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
