I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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