I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
