Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
