Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
