i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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