How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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