Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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