I am in a vortex of obligation.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
