grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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