I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
