Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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