Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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