just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
