that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
