she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
