God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
