Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Where is the hickey?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
