girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your penis caused this!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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