My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
