This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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