if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize