Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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