I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
