I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
