y did u give ur computer a hand job?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who died my cat blue again?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
