I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
