This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize