I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
