You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
