why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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