all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
