What a fucking waste of an outfit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
