i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
