I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
