I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
