def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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