I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
