I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
