if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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