so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
