my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have already put on my inside pants.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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