I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
