it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
