How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
