You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
