I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize