New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
