OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
