how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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