I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
