I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
