i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
