Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
