1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
