If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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