I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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