Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize