...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
