At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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