I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS