her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.