I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it