Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.