Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You need Xanax blowdarts
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊