it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come share oat with me in your robe
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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