after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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