on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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