I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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