i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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