Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
