Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
