I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
