Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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