now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
