Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
