I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
