What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
