vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
