i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
